Rambling, chaos, blame-shifting, avoidance, and emotional reactivity—far too often, is seen in our leadership.
Communication is one of the clearest reflections of who we are becoming. It shapes the way people experience us, and even more, it reveals the posture of our heart before God. As I wrote in Stuckness: Within The Stronghold, “The thoughts we entertain become the numerous truths we speak. And those truths we speak become the seeds planted in someone else’s soul.” Proverbs says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21, ESV), which means every conversation carries weight. Every action speaks to how we witness. The way we speak can either create connection or quietly build walls.
Through personal reflection and years of leading others, I have learned that communication is not simply a skill we sharpen—it is a spiritual practice that forms us. It reveals what is happening beneath the surface and exposes the places where growth is still needed. What I have discovered is that a few key disciplines shape themselves into five spiritual competencies—competencies that move us from being an “okay” communicator to a transformational one. These practices shape the way we speak, the way we show up, and the way we lead—helping us communicate with integrity, courage, and a heart aligned with Jesus.
1. Communicate with Clarity
Jesus modeled clarity when He said, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’” (Matthew 5:37, ESV). His words remind us that strength does not come from saying more, but from saying what is true with intention. Over-explaining often grows out of insecurity—an attempt to manage how we are perceived or to control the outcome. Clarity, however, frees us from that pressure. It quiets the noise we tend to add and allows our words to stand with honesty and purpose. When we communicate clearly, we honor the person in front of us by respecting their time, their attention, and the trust they place in our voice.
2. Presence Speaks First
Communication begins long before any words are spoken. Our tone, posture, and presence often carry the message before our sentences ever do. Proverbs reminds us, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1, ESV), inviting us to see gentleness not as weakness but as quiet strength. The presence we bring into a conversation either settles the atmosphere or unsettles it. When we show up grounded—in patience, in humility, in the Spirit—we create a space where others feel safe enough to listen and safe enough to be heard.
3. Own Your Part
Ownership is humility lived out. Scripture reminds us, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (Proverbs 28:13, ESV). Taking ownership is not only about admitting where we fell short—it is also about stepping up when no one else is willing to. It is choosing responsibility over comfort, courage over silence, and integrity over convenience. When we acknowledge our tone, our timing, or the unintended impact of our words, we create room for honesty to rise and defensiveness to fall. It softens the moment. People listen differently when they sense sincerity. And when we step forward instead of waiting for someone else to lead, the conversation shifts from self-protection to connection, allowing grace to do what our pride never could.
4. Constructive Confrontation
Stepping into hard conversations is not about charging toward conflict—it is about having the courage to protect what matters. Often, the work of truth-telling falls to the person willing to go first, the one who chooses responsibility when silence would be easier. Paul calls us to be “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15, ESV), reminding us that truth without love can wound, and love without truth can withhold what the relationship needs to heal. Constructive confrontation values the person over our own comfort. It approaches tension with the intention to restore, not to win. And when we step forward with that posture—when we bring clarity wrapped in love—we strengthen trust rather than fracture it, becoming the steady voice that carries the conversation toward peace.
5. Emotional Steadiness
People remember not only what we say, but the spirit in which we say it. Proverbs teaches, “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty” (Proverbs 16:32, ESV), reminding us that true strength is not found in force but in restraint. Emotional steadiness does not ask us to ignore our feelings—it invites us to place them under the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. It is the quiet discipline of pausing before we react, breathing before we respond, and choosing composure when the moment could easily turn reactive. In my book Stuckness: Within The Stronghold, I call this the 10-Minute Rule—a simple practice of pausing, reflecting, and then acting with intention rather than impulse. And often, emotional steadiness means stepping up when others are losing theirs. It is being the calm voice in a tense room, the grounded presence when frustration rises, the steady leader who holds space for clarity instead of chaos. James captures this beautifully: “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19, ESV). When we carry ourselves with emotional steadiness, we create safety—safety for honesty, safety for correction, and safety for trust to grow even in difficult conversations.
I encourage you to see these spiritual competencies—clarity, presence, ownership, courage, and steadiness—not as distant ideals, but as invitations God is extending to you right now. As you apply them with intention—at work with your team, in conversations with your employees, while serving on a board, leading a small group, or even in the quiet rhythms of your own home—you will begin to notice something shift. Communication becomes more than something you manage. It becomes a way of carrying the heart of Jesus into every moment you step into. Your words begin to move with purpose. They carry peace instead of pressure, truth instead of pretense, grace instead of self-protection. Slowly, almost quietly, they become seeds the Holy Spirit uses to build trust, restore relationships, and soften places that have grown hard. This is the gift offered to every leader: to communicate in a way that reveals Christ, honors others, and creates space for transformation to rise within us and around us.
“The thoughts we entertain become the numerous truths we speak. And those truths we speak become the seeds planted in someone else’s soul.
Thought-Provoking Questions
1. When you seek to communicate with clarity, where do you tend to add unnecessary or insecure details that God may be inviting you to release?
2. As you consider how your presence speaks first, what do your posture, tone, and nonverbal cues communicate before any words are spoken?
3. In moments when you need to own your part, when was the last time you stepped forward first—and how did that choice shape the outcome of the conversation?
4. When you sense the need for constructive confrontation, what truth have you been avoiding that, if spoken in love, could bring healing or needed clarity to you and the one across from you?
5. As you grow in emotional steadiness, which emotions rise quickly in you, and how might the Holy Spirit be inviting you to slow down, breathe, and respond with wisdom?